SaudiSphere

Carlin's Ten Commandments

Soy Fear Factor

Jim Rutz: Soy products turn our kids into homosexuals

 Watch out people, cause the ‘War on Soy’ is right around the corner.

 

Dot It

Got any religious questions or troubles?

Do you spend many sleepless nights wondering about your worldly actions and if they follow the proper Sharia?

Worry no more
Sheikh Dot has the answer.

God’s Foreign Policy

God is such an interesting fella:

Looking down on us from the far far heavens, he commands his agents* on earth to unite and execute his holy mission: “bring me back ASAP, cause I can’t do it alone. I need you my faithful subjects to be on my side. Only then, you will be saved.”

Awaiting impatiently while sitting on his throne, God makes a solemn announcement: “My children, the fruit of my loins, the plague is upon us and you have to rally the nonbelievers+ to your cause, use them if you have to. Don’t worry about the devastation and the suffering, cause when I am finally here, I will bring everlasting peace and love with me.”

Sure God works in mysterious ways.

* agents: Evangelical Christians

+ nonbelievers: radical Israelis

Woman = Candy

This gets even better. For the faithful among us, women don’t just represent the meat part of the meal, they are the whole deal. Mona Eltahawy has a story for you.

Faith is dressed in tribal garb as Muslims debate British ruling on niqab

The niqab, or the face veil, terrifies me. I am a Muslim woman for whom the niqab says very little about religion but a whole lot about the erasure of a woman’s identity, her very existence as a human being in any society.

I am the first to admit that my views on the niqab are thoroughly grounded as much in my own very personal struggles with the hijab, which I wore for nine years, as they are more generally with the obsessive focus on how Muslim women dress – an obsession shared by Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

The woman, dressed in black from head to toe, began by asking me why I did not wear the niqab. I pointed to my headscarf and asked her “Is this not enough?”

I will never forget her answer.

“If you wanted a piece of candy, would you choose an unwrapped piece or one that came in a wrapper?” she asked.

“I am not candy,” I answered.

                                       “Women are not candy.”

 

Freedom for Egyptians has more on the theory that women originate from a sugary like substance:  

Believe it or not but in my last years of high school, I had a history teacher who sometimes volunteered to vomit his personal views on women and religion. He sometimes digressed from the class to express some personal opinions.

One of the comments that I cannot forget until today is that when he said one time that women are like sweets (particularly Basbosa) if left uncovered, flies will stop on her. Hence, he believes that women’s best place is their homes and wearing headscarves.

A special deal

Now, only for $9.99, when you order a prime cut of meat we will  give you a free bucket of candy!!!

Hurry, Limited time offer! While supplies last!

 

 

Woman = Meat

Living in  Saudi Arabia, where women are typically compared to things other than humans, I really thought that I have heard it all.

Woman = A precious stone (requires the preservation of its purity from preying eyes)

Woman = Animal like (a man must start his prayer over if a donkey, a dog or a woman passes right in front of him)

Woman = Half-human (naturally born with half of the brain power of a man)

Women = The Devil (presumably for their temptatious sexuality)

Woman = A container (for procreation purposes)

Anything missing?

Off course, the latest addition is:

Woman = Meat

In a Ramadan speech in Sydney, the Australian mufti Sheik Taj al-Din al-Hilali, said that some women are attracting sexual assault by the way they dress.

"If you take uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the backyard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it ... whose fault is it, the cats or the uncovered meat?"

Off course, the meat, Duh?

Leilouta says we are specifically talking about lamb meat. I am, on the other hand, leaning more toward a fine piece of a flame-broiled extra-juicy filet mignon (sauce and condiments are up to your choice. I would recommend a complimentary bottle of Chianti).

That’s great, mufti whatever your name is, we were really short on the extra positive publicity. May you be slowly roasted.

Blessings

Happy Ramadan everyone.

And now for this special occasion, here is a gift from some of our Evangelical brothers and sisters: 30 Days Muslim Prayer Focus. Now start praying.

                           

Apocalypse Right Now

As Media Matters for America has noted, on the July 12 edition of his CNN Headline News show, host Glenn Beck identified the current conflicts in the Middle East and India as evidence that "it is the end of days" and later described the conflicts as "World War III and the impending apocalypse." Beck also stated that "whether you like it or not, this is a religious war.

But why now, why this war? Well, here is your answer:

On the July 18 edition of the program, Beck referred to the recent heat wave as "the apocalypse" and after showing a photo of a cat born with two faces, Beck said it was "further evidence, oh, yes, that the end of days is approaching quickly."

This sums it up, attempts to stop the war in the Middle East are useless now (don’t even waste your time), cause the cat with two faces is already born.

More comic relief: Here

Statue of What?

No, this is not the good old lady liberty. Check out the new improved, born again, symbol of freedom: Statue of Liberation through Christ

  As the congregation of the World Overcomers Outreach Ministries Church looked on and its pastor, Apostle Alton R. Williams, presided, a brown shroud much like a burqa was pulled away to reveal a giant statue of the Lady, but with the Ten Commandments under one arm and "Jehovah" inscribed on her crown.

And in place of a torch, she held aloft a large gold cross, as if to ward off the pawnshops, the car dealerships and the discount furniture outlets at the busy corner of Kirby Parkway and Winchester that is her home. A single tear graced her cheek.

In "The Meaning of the Statue of Liberation Through Christ: Reconnecting Patriotism With Christianity," he explains that the teardrop on his Lady is God's response to what he calls the nation's ills, including legalized abortion, a lack of prayer in schools and the country's "promotion of expressions of New Age, Wicca, secularism and humanism." In another book, he said Hurricane Katrina was retribution for New Orleans's embrace of sin.

(Huh! Never thought that humanism was a bad thing, guess I was wrong.)

Here is what the real- good as is-lady should say to this:

 

Seven Suspects, Here and There

Today, six Al-Qaeda suspects were killed in Saudi Arabia, a seventh was wounded. It is reported that the suspects were on the verge of carrying out attacks against a security target in Riyadh.

On the other hand, in the US seven men were indicted for plotting to blow up the Sears Tower in Florida. Those men were also planning to start an Army of their own.

Well, the good news is that those idiots were captured and/or killed.

Here is my question though: are they grouping in sevens because of the religious significance of the number seven? for some sort of a strategic benefit? Or is it just a simple coincidence? Even better: my conspiracy theory mind working at its best!

(I think I need to go and do something else before I write a post about the correlation between abnormal gentic mutations and Bill O'Reilly). Have a great weekend ya'll!